When Your Mom is “That Mom”(Ok Not MY Mom)

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It was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m not sure why I wasn’t more prepared…in hindsight, I should have been. I was speaking at a scientific section meeting on the topic of the human aspect of show horse welfare (part of my “day job”, so to speak).   The conversation turned to educational programs to address the topic, including parent education programs.

Afterwards, a young man who had been enthusiastically engaged in all of the presentations of the morning, and who was likely a graduate student approached me and said “I have a question. What if your mom is “that mom”?” I asked for a bit of clarification to which he responded “My mom was “that mom”. She showed horses growing up and she had no interest in being educated. About anything really. I had to go to clinics and workshops by myself. She was the one who yelled at me across the arena, and all the way home in the truck. What should I have done?”

Ouch. Poor kid. We all know that person, but hopefully, we don’t have to go home with her. You young man, should not have done anything. You were a kid. What were you supposed to do, I wondered, as I formulated a response and said a little prayer that something useful would come to me.  Something eventually did.

“You shouldn’t have done anything, but someone should have. Maybe the judge or other parents should have asked her to stop “coaching” from the rail. Maybe the show managers or other leaders should have asked her to be quiet or leave. But whatever was done, it shouldn’t have impacted your participation. You should have been able to show even if your mom couldn’t be there. I know that would have been difficult, but you obviously loved it, because you’re still working to be involved in the industry, right? I mean, you’re here.”

He got a little teary and said “yes”.

I told him that I was very sorry he had that experience growing up, but that he could make a difference going forward. Naturally, he asked “how?” And fortunately I was ready by this time.

“In the future, or even now, when you see a young person in the same situation, be extra kind to them.   Find something they are doing well and point it out to them. It may be the only kind word they hear that day. If you’re around them frequently, be a role model. Take them under your wing and model good sportsmanship. If you can, get to know the mom as well. It may be that she is hurting too, or feeling like she can’t contribute anything positive. It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it might explain it. Ask her to volunteer. Give her a job so she has something to do other than yell at her kid. And let her know when she does a good job too. When you were a kid, you couldn’t really do anything, but as an adult, maybe you can help another kid.” He seemed satisfied with that, smiled and thanked me.  And I thanked him.

If you find yourself being “that parent”, stop and think.

When you were a kid, you couldn’t really do anything, but as an adult, maybe you can help another kid.

What Could Rodeo Teach Us About Safety? Maybe More Than You Realize.

I have lots of hopes and dreams for this blog, not the least of which is to have guest bloggers who can change our perspective on certain things, or at least provide food for thought.  As luck would have it, there are lots of those kinds of people in the world!  So I’m happy to introduce my first guest blogger,  one very special cowboy, Max LaMee! (PS:  He’s also a great show announcer for hire, if you need one.  maxlamee@gmail.com)

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The equine industry is a huge industry with a lot of different niches. There are small things different disciplines do that their counterparts don’t. However there is often a lot of crossover between these disciplines that often gets overlooked because we horse people are very opinionated. I was one of those stubborn people myself, generally falling into the rodeo category I thought “what in the world can I learn from English pleasure.” It turned out there were a lot of things. Not everyone gets to look behind the scenes of rodeo so I’ll share some things that could be helpful to riders of other disciplines as well.

Keep your equipment as clean and functional as possible. Your tack is generally the physical link between you and your equine partner. It will make you and the horse more comfortable. I don’t like to wear dirty clothes that don’t fit well so I figure horses don’t either.

Stretch, if you go to a rodeo you will see competitors stretching. Stretches don’t take much time and they prevent injury. You warm your horse up, why shouldn’t you get ready to compete as well? Another thing you might see at a rodeo is a horse in the chutes and a cowboy holding onto a mane pulling a horses neck back and forth. This is to loosen the horse up, they get nervous just like us. Horses will lock up their jaws and necks when they get nervous. Getting the jaw or neck to release that tension will often relax the horse.

From a personal safety perspective, rodeos have an increasingly growing number of helmets being worn nowadays. One thing rodeo contestants have been doing for years though is wearing mouth guards. Sure it helps protect your teeth but they also may help prevent concussions that can lead to brain damage. It’s a mouth guard, cheap, easy to use, and some will even come with insurance if your teeth are injured wearing them. Also your boot soles should be taken into account. For safety PRCA rules require competitors to wear leather soles to prevent getting hung up in stirrups. The leather slides easier than rubber soled boots. Hopefully you never get hung up in a stirrup but it happens. If you find yourself hung up try to tun onto your stomach, this will turn your foot allowing you to get free.

Our disciplines can be very different but there are amazing horses and humans in every one of them.